The Real Entitlement

from Tyler Martin

March 5, 2016, 12:32 a.m.

If you are a Millennial, you have, most likely at some point, heard that you are entitled. This statement is usually followed by dismissing whatever you were talking about or, if you are reeeeaaallllllly lucky, an anecdote about the "good old days." If you're a Millennial and you have not experienced this, well then congratulations, you have not had the displeasure of talking with a hypocritical, arrogant douchenozzle. I say that with no disrespect to those who have called Millennials entitled, because, at the end of the day, we are all douchenozzles in our own special way. Actually, let me qualify that: everyone but myself is a douchenozzle; I am not fortunate enough to be referred to as a singular part of a douche, but am the entirety of said douche. Regardless, I am going to tell everyone something important, and, quite frankly, I am not going to mince words. I hope all of my readers take the points I make to heart without getting hung up on how I make these points. With that being said, you're all fucking entitled brats and you all are degrading the very fabric that holds society together because you all cannot collectively get the fuck over yourselves. God I hate myself.

Where should I begin? Instead of going straight for the throat, I guess I'll start with a happy, warm-hearted anecdote for some context and to lighten the mood. One of the most enlightened minds to ever grace the planet, Socrates, stated in his defense against allegations of impiety, "I am wiser than this man, for neither of us appears to know anything great and good; but he fancies he knows something, although he knows nothing; whereas I, as I do not know anything, so I do not fancy I do. In this trifling particular, then, I appear to be wiser than he, because I do not fancy I know what I do not know." Socrates was humble about his wisdom because he understood that he could not know anything with absolute certainty. Granted, this is a relatively minor point he makes in Apology, however, this point pertains greatly to my point. The large jury recognized Socrates' value to society, particularly in educating the youth and -- oh shit, never mind, the politicians felt that Socrates was corrupting the youth with his "blasphemous" teachings and gave him the death penalty. Wait, shit this isn't happy at all. Oh yeah, that's right, because this kind of fuckwit entitlement NEVER LEADS TO ANY HAPPY FUCKING ENDINGS. You see, Socrates merely taught rational thought, logic and reasoning, but, because doing so challenged the status quo, a gaggle of raging thundercunts found a death sentence for the wisest person of the time the best course of action.

"What the hell, Tyler," you exclaim, "why would you even bring this up?" Well, my friends, I am bringing this up because YOU ASSHOLES ARE KILLING SOCRATES. I'm getting ahead of myself. I bring up Socrates because it is a relevant example of how anti-intellectualism in politics has destroyed an irreplaceable treasure. How is that relevant? Well, look at the sad state of affairs currently affecting American life. Sure, you can place the blame on any number of things, but eventually everything boils down to the fact that rational discussion is no longer an important process in deciding the appropriate course of action. We, as a society, have collectively allowed those with opinions not based in fact or reality to have an equal voice. Why? Because democracy gives us that ability. Votes count equally regardless of who is casting them. So tell me, where else can important matters be settled by anyone with a pulse holding equal footing? Can any asshole run a nuclear power plant? Can any asshole design and engineer a skyscraper? Can any asshole chemically engineer everyday products? No, you have to be a well-trained asshole. So why exactly can any asshole dictate policy which they know jackshit about? BECAUSE 'MERICA, MOTHERFUCKERS!!! WE'RE ENTITLED TO OUR OPINIONS EVEN THOUGH WE HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE HOW TO DEFEND THEM!! WHAT'S THAT? YOU WANT ME TO EXPLAIN THEM AND GIVE YOU EVIDENCE TO SUPPORT THEM?? FUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK YOOOOOUUUUUUUUUU ( ) ):::::::::::::D~~~

I blame this entitled attitude on a lack of emphasis on proper education in argumentative techniques, science and philosophy. In science, if you cannot substantiate your argument, your argument is eviscerated. No one gives a shit if you really believe that you are correct, either produce evidence/citations or get the fuck out. The same goes with philosophical sciences, with one notable, mainstream exception: political science. Look at all of the bullshit spewed from the fuckfaces on the stages. We even have websites, like PolitiFact, dedicated to wading through the raging torrents of unadulterated shit to find the undigested kernels of truth. We act so thankful and amazed when we get these little nuggets of truth, and that, my friends, is shit. We are literally (but mostly metaphorically), swallowing tons of shit in the hopes that we get a taste of those kernels. Guess what! Those kernels are still covered in shit, friends! We praise politicians who tell the truth. Fuck that. We need that to be the norm. How about we condemn the liars instead of allowing them to keep fucking running their stupid fucking mouths? Seriously, guys, this is bullshit.

So where does this leave us? Well, look around. The political fiasco occurring right before our eyes exemplifies how truly disturbing the implications of fostering this entitled culture can be. Both sides are so fervently dogmatic that reasonable and rational discourse have all but been abandoned. We the citizens have allowed two-party politics to erode the structure of democracy to the point where there's nothing left besides an oligarchy in which our leaders put self-interest blatantly above the interest of us. The worst part? We are so complacent with it that we constantly and knowingly choose the lesser of the available evils.

To be honest, I'm no longer proud to be an American. The ugly shades of disgust and disdain have replaced the red, white and blue that once coursed through my veins. Time and time again I remain naively optimistic that we will rise up to what we can be instead of settling for the limitations resulting from the frivolous infighting, and time and time again I am sorely disappointed. The thing is that this does not need to be the case. We can be world leaders and be the nation all others aspire to become. We can make America great again, but we cannot do it by repeating the mistakes we have made and continue to make. There are issues that the general public is not able to handle properly. Issues like climate change and economic stability both represent issues that are much better off being left to experts.

Coincidentally, our elected representatives are not capable of handling these issues either. Climate scientists and economists, combined with legislators should be the ones tackling them. Instead, we have a Bumblefuck McDicktits-Assnuts bringing in a goddamn snowball to disprove climate change. That motherfucker would be kicked out of a fucking eighth grade science class for that shit; seriously, that idiot needs to be sat down in the "I'm too stupid to function in society" dunce chair, pelted with piss-infused snowballs, and mercilessly made fun of until he pisses his pants and runs out of the room crying. Instead, he is leading the Senate's Environment and Public Works Committee. FUCK.

I realize that it is easy to inordinately displace my rage on the politicians who run this country, so I am going to shift my focus back to you. Yes, you, the reader who has taken the time to sit through my profanity-laden tirade. Do you know why I am now about to direct my admittedly creative insults at you? I'll tell you. It's because you are just as much at fault as the clowns at the top. So am I. It's disheartening. We all are subject to our own biases and we all hold beliefs that we cannot rationalize. I mean, for fuck's sake, I have been confronted on my opinions and stuck by them despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary for most of my life. For those who did not know me growing up, you might be surprised to hear that I denied a lot of settled science and social issues because they conflicted with my beliefs. Luckily, over the course of time, I learned to challenge my beliefs. I now subject any opinion or belief I have to the Scientific Method. I no longer stick to a belief in the face of new, conflicting evidence, even if that new evidence dick slaps the face of everything I think I stand for. Through this, I have learned not to become attached to my views, and I now enjoy having them challenged. Can you say the same? If I questioned something you believed in wholeheartedly, if I presented overwhelming evidence that you were wrong and you simultaneously could not provide evidence that you were correct, would you honestly be able to accept that? Cognitive dissonance is a fickle bitch, but I promise that adding a healthy dose of skepticism combined with sufficient knowledge on what constitutes proper evidence to your everyday beliefs will revolutionize your life. The best part about doing something like that is that you may find evidence contrary to mine, and now we have the makings of rational debate; this is something that is overlooked when your argument stems from the dogma of entitled opinion. So please, I urge you, start off small. Question a minor thing in your life that you have always just assumed was true, that you have taken for granted. See where that takes you. With enough time and practice, you can become a cynical, skeptical, self-hating asshole like me! Doesn't that sound wonderful?

Am I coming off as preachy and pretentious? Probably. Like I said before, I'm a douche. To this I say the following: sometimes things cannot just be wiped clean, sometimes it takes a douche to wash away all of the clogged up shit clinging to our innards.


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