New Year Reflections and Stream of Consciousness

from Tyler Martin

Jan. 18, 2016, 2:47 p.m.

So... this is awkward. I haven't written for the good ol' Hizzouse (it's what the kids are calling it these days, I believe) in quite some time. I have been dealing of and on with several health issues and those health issues spawned other issues and my life has consisted of a myriad of issues for the past however long it has been since I published something here. Here's the thing: I don't actually think that was why I went on my drought. No, instead I think that I lost my mojo, baby. I actually wrote a great deal during my drought, but I refused to publish anything that I wasn't completely happy with. Unfortunately, everything that I wrote met that criterion, hence the drought. I became very aware of my voice as a writer, and I believe my writing during the drought reflected my attempts at forcing all of my writing to have that voice. As such, most of my writing felt uninspired, almost as though it was faking the emotion I believed it should convey. The irony here is that I was doing that with my own life at the same time; I was pretending to be alright when I was the farthest thing from alright. I wanted to be alright, but I really couldn't be alright until I admitted that I wasn't alright. Alright. Have you ever said a word so many times in a row that it starts sounding less like a word and more like an unholy amalgamation of nonsensical utterances? I need to make it sound normal again before I can move on with this. Alright alright alright *in McConaughey*. There, that's much better. Anyways, this year has really marked a turning point in my life. I'm no longer pursuing engineering; I realized I was really only in it for the money. I'm paying attention to me; I learned that it really isn't selfish to put yourself first when making decisions about your life. I'm allowing myself to admit that I don't know what I want; I no longer feel the need to fill in any old answer just for the sake of having an answer. This is the year that I will truly figure out who I am and get my life on the track that I want it to be. I just feel better this year, and my recent stories definitely reflect that. I'm in a good place, guys. "So what does this mean?" you shout loudly and impatiently at your computer monitor. Your monitor looks back, straight through you. Its stare pierces your very soul. It wants you to know that you are nothing to it. You should probably first apologize to your now-sentient display and then work on your patience and also maybe get some help. Back to the important stuff, this basically means that I have a lot of writing and prewriting that will be published on a regular basis #GetHype.

Now that I have the introduction done, I want to start my stream of consciousness. This is my very first attempt, but I'm pretty sure that stream of consciousness is one of those buzz-phrases that don't really have an exact definition or meaning like, "Hey jackass, get the hell out of here, can't you see this is a restricted area?" or "Your vote makes a difference!" In fact, I'm pretty sure I could bang my keyboard against my head for seven hours straight and call it a stream of consciousness. I guess this is like one of those classes where you can only fail by not showing up at all, which is perfect for me because that alleviates all of the pressure to write goodly. Here's a semi-related topic to branch off into: what gives some words meaning? I mean obviously their meanings and definitions, duh, but I'm talking about the more abstract words; words like 'good', 'bad', 'wrong', 'right'. Go ahead, try to define any of those words without using the word itself. Too hard? Try defining those words concretely without merely listing examples. It's impossible, isn't it? Sure, you can use the dictionary and look them up, but does that actually tell you what good or evil actually is? Yes, I get it, that's the point of abstract words, they're abstract, but my point is that these words really lack any substance beyond a personal level. They're all relative and subjective. That's why they should be phased out of usage. When someone talks about the greater good (the greater good), keep in mind that they are talking solely about their greater good (the greater good). What's that you say? Relativism is a slippery slope? Well... I mean of course it is, but so is absolutism. I believe where you land in this debate is based upon whether or not you believe in underlying truths beyond what we can empirically measure. Do you believe that murder is always wrong? Then you are an absolutist. Do you believe that our actions cannot be empirically measured out to an infinitesimal point, and, therefore, conclusions pertaining to the overall effects of them cannot be properly ascertained? Then congratulations, you're a relativist savage like me! "Holy shit, Tyler," you utter in shock, "are you advocating for murder and/or defending it?" Let me answer that question in two parts, both in the forms of questions. Firstly, you serious, Clark? Secondly, where does one draw the line for good and bad when it comes to the death of another human being? Let’s take an extreme example, say Hitler. Almost everyone agrees that his death was neither tragic nor a loss. However, what if Hitler not dying would have saved over six-million lives in the future? Would those lives matter more or less than those during Hitler’s time? Let’s take this to a major extreme to illustrate my point. What if Hitler not dying ended up saving the world from some unforeseen catastrophe in the near future? Would we still feel the same? Now, I am in no way saying that Hitler’s death was anything other than a wonderful thing for everyone on this planet. No, all I am saying is that it is hard to draw a line on whether certain deaths are acceptable. Is this getting too deep? Okay, let’s talk about something more fun.

So the future-GOAT and Yeezus dropped a new song and it is straight fire. Seriously, it’s good music. Too bad Kanye isn’t on top of his game anymore. I think he’s about to blow up again, but he will never reach the heights of “Graduation” and MBDTF again. Kendrick, though, is rising to the top. Seriously, TPAB may be one of the most important rap albums ever released, never mind that it’s arguably also one of the best as well. K-Dot appears to be channeling all the good qualities that Pac (RIP) emphasized. I guess I kind of have a huge man-crush on Kendrick. No shame.

Okay so to wrap this up, I need to set out a concrete schedule of content in order to hold myself accountable. I want to have a new post every week. I’m looking to have my final drafts done and uploaded every Wednesday. That’s all I committing to for now, if I have more content ready (as in an overflow of content), then I may double-dip. I have quite a few relatively large projects I am working on, so my posts will probably vary greatly and be shorter in length. For anyone who reads our wonderful website still, thank you. Your continued support means a great deal to all of us at StoriesHouse, and I definitely want to reward all of you for your loyalty. I don’t necessarily know what that means, but once I find something suiting, I will make it known. Thanks again, everyone, here’s to the new year.


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