I'm Not an English Major

from Stephen Schwartz

May 17, 2013, 6:46 p.m.

If you know me, you know that I am not a great writer and even when speaking, I will make numerous grammatical errors or, even worse, simply forget the word I was thinking of and, not knowing a way to easily describe that word, stand there mumbling like an idiot who can't even finish a sentence. Also, I can't spell, which poses a serious problem when I actually have to write something on paper. As Nick has pointed out, my first post here has many grammer issues and also simple capitalization problems. I can only blame the fact that Storieshouse has no spellcheck or grammercheck like Microsoft Word does, which is my go-to place for writing anything. "But Stephen," you might say, "you can just write your post in Word then copy and paste it to Storieshouse." WRONG! I am much to lazy for that. I would have to open word, write the story, then copy and paste it here. Thats an extra 20 seconds of my life I'll never get back. An extra 20 seconds I could spend doing something unproductive like watching commercials on TV or staring into space. So I deal with whatever errors I make, cuz yeah, I'm that lazy.

Before college, my comeback to others noticing my lack of english skills was that "I can't speak English." Obviously that statement is false, as it has been pointed out to me almost every time I used it, but I used it anyway due to a lack of any other excuse and an over-enlarged ego that doesn't allow me to admit to being wrong very often. Now that I think about it, it was a very silly and immature response, but let's face it, I'm not a very mature person.

Once I made it to college, however, my life became a whole lot easier. Being a double science major, I didn't have to write very often; one of my proffessors even encouraged the use of bullet points instead of complete sentences. (remind anyone of Mr. Loveless?) So naturally, my poor English skills became even worse due to disuse, but it wasn't a problem until close to winter break when i noticed that my speaking was starting to suck too. I couldn't think of simple terms, and I often had to correct myself after a grammatical mistake that made the sentence very vague. Then, during one episode of my grammer being corrected by a friend, a sassily snapped back, "I'm sorry. I'm not an English major." Needless to say he had no good response to that and it took a few seconds before I realized how good of a comeback it was. Think about it, English majors take classes to perfect their grammer, analyze literature, and write their own. So being grammatically correct and knowing how to spell is important for them so they can get a job at Office Max, writing a novel in their basement on their off time, praying it becomes a best-seller. (I'm not sorry if any of you are/want to be English majors/writers. My statement is most likely true and you'll eventually realize it when you become a senior and don't know what to do with said English degree.) I'm a science major all I need to be able to do is convey ideas.

I'll leave you with two things completely unrelated to eveything I wrote above. Firstly, Hunter, you should add a winky face option for icons. It'll be a hit. Secondly, Stern, I know you're just learning to use snapchat, so I've posted a video that will help you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gae2rxaRnkg



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600 words

2 minutes