Dang It, Dang It, Baseball is Gone 2013

from Nick Suss

Oct. 30, 2013, 10:22 p.m.

The astute among you may have noticed that this poem which is usually slated for the day the regular season ends is late. There’s a reason. I’ve decided to integrate playoff performance into the end of the poem this season. Mostly because I’m a masochist. But also, I think that a season review needs to, you know, review the playoffs and World Series too. So, without further ado, Dang It, Dang It, Baseball is Gone: The 2013 Edition

Two-thousand-twelve was nothing but sloppy,

But 2013 rebirthed Big Papi

Dang It, Dang It, Baseball is Gone

A wild card birth wasn’t good enough

But the injured Rays managed to hang tough

Dang It, Dang It, Baseball is Gone

The Bronx Geezers in third? How can it be?

No really. I mean it. Seriously?

Dang It, Dang It, Baseball is Gone

You can’t win by one run every game

That’s why the O’s record wasn’t the same

Dang It, Dang It, Baseball is Gone

Preseason Jays were media darlin’s

Regular season played like the Marlins

Dang It, Dang It, Baseball is Gone

Max and Anibal were really that good

But Detroit won when Miggy laid the wood

Dang It, Dang It, Baseball is Gone

Success in Cleveland? A playoff bid too?

Terry Francona: He knows what to do

Dang It, Dang It, Baseball is Gone

Ten games over par, KC had the bats

Can next year’s Royals be last season’s Nats?

Dang It, Dang It, Baseball is Gone

The Twinkies were bad, lost 96 games

But with prospects so good, best learn some names

Dang It, Dang It, Baseball is Gone

Okay. I was wrong. The White Sox sucked ass.

One bad prediction. Can I get a pass?

Dang It, Dang It, Baseball is Gone

The Moneyball A’s won the west again

Because of the value of Josh Donaldson

Dang It, Dang It, Baseball is Gone

The Rangers looked done, beaten, battered, bruised

But they wouldn’t die until they got Cruz’d

Dang It, Dang It, Baseball is Gone

The dream team no more, LA played ugly

But Mike Trout’s the best; he watches smugly

Dang It, Dang It, Baseball is Gone

The Mariners did not finish in last

But I mean, c’mon, just look who they passed

Dang It, Dang It, Baseball is Gone

The Astros aren’t in this, left them lonely

No offense, just Major League teams only

Dang It, Dang It, Baseball is Gone

The Braves like long balls, to walk and to K

Imagine them sans Uggla and B.J.

Dang It, Dang It, Baseball is Gone

Ten over .500, but ten games back

Predictions so bad, induced Harp’ attack

Dang It, Dang It, Baseball is Gone

The Mets came in third place? How can it be?

No really. I mean it. Seriously?

Dang It, Dang It, Baseball is Gone

The Phillies just straight up fell off the Cliff

The team can still pitch, but hitters, they whiff

Dang It, Dang It, Baseball is Gone

Scored 97 less runs than the ‘Stros

Ladies and gents, these the Miami woes

Dang It, Dang It, Baseball is Gone

The Red Birds won the most games in baseball

It seems like they are a fixture come fall

Dang It, Dang It, Baseball is Gone

Holy shit! Holy shit! The Buccos won!

Giving some mad love to ‘Drew Mccutchen

Dang It, Dang It, Baseball is Gone

As I type this, Votto walks yet again

Moves Choo to second, got hit now and then

Dang It, Dang It, Baseball is Gone

The Brewers without Braun, not the best team

But season was good for Gomez’ esteem

Dang It, Dang It, Baseball is Gone

Make it 105, Cubs lose another

Give me a face-palm and an “Oh Brother”

Dang It, Dang It, Baseball is Gone

Having fun, Puig had himself a season

Everyone hates him for no good reason

Dang It, Dang It, Baseball is Gone

The D’Backs played well, but not well enough

Repeat this success? Next year’ll be rough.

Dang It, Dang It, Baseball is Gone

The G-Men regressed, repeat no avail

The pitching was okay, hitting was stale

Dang It, Dang It, Baseball is Gone

The Padres improved, fourth place they came in

Don’t confuse that with good. They still can’t win.

Dang It, Dang It, Baseball is Gone

After CarGo went down, the Rockies blew

Didn’t matter that they have Tulo too

Dang It, Dang It, Baseball is Gone


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